Friday, December 3, 2010

Spiders and Vinegaroons...

So I am happily driving along tonight with a mate and talking. We pull up at a set up lights and he out of now here just yells at the top of his lungs "AAAARRRRRRRR"!!! He pulls his arms and legs up like he wants to jump out of the seat but can't because he's belted in. A quick thought runs through my head, "SHIT! What car are we going to hit, no, it's ok we're stationary". I look right at the number plate of the red car in front of us 'VAMPYR' and think yeah it is odd but not worth freaking out over and then slowly walking into view as my eyes start to focus on it is a big fuck arse of a huntsman on the windscreen! Then I let out a matching "AAAARRRRRRR! - IS IT ON THE INSIDE OR OUTSIDE???!!!" I'm just ready to abandon ship and run the hell home screaming like a five year old girl... It was on the outside and then walked up the windscreen and onto the roof. Meanwhile the lights go green and the cars around us start to drive off. We are freaking the hell out and start to drive as if we are slowly going off the edge of the world into a firey hell screaming! I dart through the traffic and pull the car over. After much heavy breathing and completely nonsensical rationalisationing I grab the tissue box as it was closer than Damo's request for the in hindsight much weightier Melways. I turn the lights on in the car, that way he can see if the spider the size of 15 dinner plates falls in the car when I jump out. I look in the mirrors, no traffic, the cars tills running, I haul arse right out and slam the door shut. I'm standing nearly in the middle of the road like I'm a backpacker in a horror film just waiting for a roadtrain to run me down. Then through the window I see Damo frantically pointing at the windscreen, the monsters crawled back down and as if I summoned the gods of Greyskull "I HAD THE POWER!" and squashed the absolute guts out of the thing and painted it all over my windscreen. Flicked what was left of it's carcass onto the road and ripped the tissues out of the tissue box and threw the box in the back of the hatch. ( I have a cold and need the tissues... when returning home my wife asked me why I didn't just leave the guts infested tissue box there "It's littering!"). I got back in the car. I am sure we both wished we had a crate of Valium's to chill out but after a lesson in slowing down our breath we drove of in complete disbelief we were both alive to still tell the tale. I'm telling you if that thing was on the inside I would have just left that car there and called it in stolen!

I like to put up photo's when I post but it's not going to happen.
Damo, here's one to put us back in out happy place!!!

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